


Light

by Snowpiercer



Category: Dunkirk (2017)
Genre: Character Death, Heavy Angst, M/M, Suicide Notes, Wartime Romance, look I’m sorry ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-02-16 15:24:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18694180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowpiercer/pseuds/Snowpiercer
Summary: I do not know what prompted me to write this and I’m quite aware that it’s a shambles but here’s a short thing on what happens if Farrier doesn’t make it.





	Light

Neither of them knew how hard it would be.

 

Collins kept telling himself that Farrier would be back soon enough, camps got liberated, prisoners escaped, except the years went by and he didn’t return.

 

Farrier wasn’t stupid, he wasn’t going to fight his way out of here, others had tried before him and it never ended with success. It hurt more than anything not to be able to see his Collins every day. It hurt more than he ever thought possible, and after years of such pain, such exquisite torture, it had finally become too much.

 

Collins never lost hope, in his mind there was only one way this ended, being reunited sooner or later with his love.

 

The war was ended. All the camps had been liberated, now all Collins had to do was hope his love returned promptly.

 

Except one day he received a letter, written from a place well beyond hope. It was dated 16th August, 1945.

 

At first came the standard issue, mass produced, all written exactly the same leaving a small space for the name of the unfortunate soul to be written.

 

The word deceased stood out from all the rest.

 

Collins stared at the word for a second, then another. It wasn’t true. It couldn’t be. He lifted the first page to see another, written in Farrier’s handwriting.

 

That’s when it hit him that this was real.

 

Collins,

I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I was too reckless, that I stayed back at Dunkirk, I knew what I was doing and I knew I wouldn’t make it back. I didn’t know I wouldn’t be able to land anywhere near the allies. I didn’t know they’d take me away.

Every day of this miserable war I’ve wanted nothing but you. I miss you too much to begin to describe, my love.

I know I saved the soldiers on the beach that day, but I couldn’t save you. To leave you in the channel almost broke me. The last time I laid eyes on you was from the air. You were on a little boat, I recognised you in an instant my love, and I’ll never be able to forget you. Not in a million lifetimes.

 

I hope you remember me, as I will you.

 

The war, this god forsaken camp, everything. I’m not the man I once was. Once I was strong, and brave. I fear I’m not that man anymore, because I’ve let myself get the better of me. It’s too much my love, I can’t do it anymore. I just can’t.

Every day is torture without you, and there’s no foreseeable end to it. At least this way I get to write this, instead of one of the guards shooting me, instead of me freezing to death. At least this way, it’s on my own terms.

I’m a coward, Collins. I wish I could be like you. Strong, kind, selfless. Instead here I am, ending my pain while yours goes on. How selfish of me. Yet, a life in which I know you’re alive and yet I can’t see you, can’t hear you, can’t touch you, is a half life. I’m in limbo, you are and always were the light at the end of the tunnel, but as the war drags on, I think the light is getting further away.

 

All I hope is that I have made you happy in the time we have grown to know each other, grown to love each other.

I’m sorry. I truly am. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

I hope you can move on with things, make me proud.

Best of luck, Collins.

I love you.

Farrier

**Author's Note:**

> First of all I’m sorry
> 
> My tumblr,  if you want to scream about dunkirk with me.


End file.
